Parenting 101: Overconfident Children? Where's The Balance?

This is how I grew up: A friend of my mother complimented my mother on how pretty I was since she had not seen me for years. And being the typical Asian mother, my mother would say, "You've got to be kidding. Look at her big nose, chubby cheeks, her big mouth!" etc..etc. In her own words, I was the personification of Princess Fiona (of Shrek fame). And don't get her started on how badly I performed at school, or on my incorrigible character!

And yes..that's how I grew up. Wonder why I did not sign up for Putri Indonesia beauty contest! Or that I did not develop inferiority complex that got me into under psychologist care.

Despite my mother's endless verbal abuse on my general being and appearance, I still grew up to be confident person, who think that I look okay. Well, may be not a Miss Universe material, but I still think I look pretty attractive...ehm...ehm. Oh well, at least I have my share of inner beauty, don't I? So, can you imagine, what would I be if my mother did not try to lower my qualities during my growing up years?

Now, watch those overconfident and weird contestants in American Idols, who could not cary out a tune, but embarrassed themselves and their parents by saying, "My parents said I am the next Celine Dion or Josh Groban!" Your parents are so dead wrong, dear!

Or my neighbor's kid who joined Singapore Idol, saying that she's the next Avril Lavigne, when she could not even sing the right do-re-mi.

(Let's be bitchy here..she's really my neighbor, from the other block. But, my, there was once I saw her mother scolded her! What made her think that she's the next Avril Lavigne???? From the way the mother scolded her, I did not think the mother is the type who would say, "Cutie pie, look at your God-given talent..go and join Sing Idol, I think you have Avril Lavigne qualities!")

That aside, I think we should find the balance when we praise our children. While it's the typical Asian thing not to praise the child, I am quite surprised that there is some truth in it. A research has shown that praising gifted children did not prevent them from underperforming. Praise may have inverse power. In plain english, it means that praise may backfire on the child. Instead of making the child confident, they may actually make them complacent, thus nurturing them into being over-confident (and turning them into weird people that you see in the those reality TV/Idol/Wannabe series).

Strange, does it mean that my mother has been right all this time?

No expert in the field of parenting, I believe in giving credit where it is due. Find the balance: Praise the child for the effort, not just for the sake of praising. Inferiority is bad, but over-confidence is equally bad.

But my children are definitely more good looking than Shrek and Princess Fiona and I am going to tell them just so!