Eulogy untuk Mama

Mama
1952-2010

18 Nov 2010

Para keluarga, teman2, dan kerabat yang terkasih,

Terima kasih atas keadatangan kalian hari ini, menemani mama di perjalanan terakhir dalam hidupnya ini.
Hari ini, biarkan saya berbicara sedikit tentang mama saya, pilar & pemersatu di keluarga kami.

Dari mama saya mewarisi hal-hal berikut ini:
1. Golongan darah A, karena Ria, adik saya mewarisi golongan darah papa.
2. Obsesinya pada perawatan wajah, dan hobinya untuk belanja kosmetik.
3. Kecintaannya pada makanan dan juga segala macam kue2 yang berlemak tapi enak, yang membuat kami berdua menderita setengah mati kalau disuruh berdiet.
4. Hobinya nonton tv dan nonton drama seri.
5. Kesukaan mama untuk masak dan nonton acara masak di TV.
5. Dan warisan sifat yang paling jelek yang paling saya turuni dari mama adalah, ketidak sukaannya mama dalam mengerjakan pekerjaan rumah tangga! Saya tidak bisa menyapu, mengepel, mencuci baju dan mensetrika. Kenapa saya harus belajar semua itu, kalau mama saya juga tidak bisa? Kami berdua juga tidak terlalu menikmati kegiatan2 seperti memandikan anak, nyuapin anak, ngelonin anak sebelum tidur, hal2 yang semakin mendekatkan mama dan saya, karena ria, adalah seorang ibu yang luar biasa dedikasinya untuk anak2nya dalam hal2 pengurusan anak.

Tapi, juga banyak hal yang tidak saya warisi dari mama, yang paling jelas adalah saya tidak pernah mewarisi muka mama. Sebaliknya, saya untuk soal muka, saya dan ria adalah versi perempuannya papa. Saya juga tidak mewarisi sifat optimis mama, tidak memiliki kemampuan mama untuk melihat segi positif dari setiap kejadian yang terjadi dalam hidup, dan yang terutama, kalau mama itu orangnya sangat energik dan aktif, saya orangnya sangat santai. Mama dulu nggak pernah bisa diam, kecuali kalau lagi nonton tv dan tidur. Tapi, saya bisa duduk diam tanpa ganti posisi selama lebih dari setengah jam, itu warisan dari papa.

Mama saya, seperti yang dikenal orang2, sangat lembut, bicaranya nggak pernah kasar. Tapi, beliau terlahir dalam tahun naga, sifat lembutnya akan hilang pada saat mama udah marah. Kalau ada yang berani cari ribut sama mama, siap2 lah, karena mama, dalam kemarahannya serasa mengeluarkan api panas yang lebih panas dari lava merapi pada orang yang berani cari keributan pada mama itu.

Mama menjadikan hidupnya sebagai pengabdian untuk suami dan anak2nya. Mama merawat keluarga kami tanpa cela. Di luar kemampuannya untuk melayani papa dan kami anak2nya, mama selalu menjadikan dirinya sebagai sahabat sejati untuk papa. Pada saat papa pulang malam dan telat makannya, maka mama walaupun sudah makan, akan ikut menemani papa waktu lagi makan sambil mendengarkan cerita2 papa. Kalau mama tidak sempat, karena lagi bekerja, maka mama akan mengirimkan ria atau saya untuk duduk menemani papa makan malam.

Mama yang saya kenal adalah pendengar yang baik untuk anak2nya.
Mama selalu mau mendengarkan cerita saya tanpa memotong, tanpa mencela, tanpa menghakimi. Hebatnya, mama selalu bisa menemukan sisi positif dalam cerita2 saya. Waktu saya masih sekolah dulu, saya bisa dengan tanpa bersalahnya menceritakan petualangan2 saya waktu menyontek dalam ulangan dan ujian. Mama, hanya mendengarkan, ikut tertawa terbahak2 waktu saya cerita nilai saya dikurangi gara2 ketauan kasih contekan ke teman sebangku saya, pesan moralnya malah, "oh ya, itu temen2 papa dan mama yang suka nyontek malah pada sukses2 semua, dibandingkan dengan yang tidak pernah nyontek!" Hal2 kecil seperti itu yang membuat saya dan ria selalu siap berbagi cerita tentang apa saja karena, mama akan selalu siap mendengarkan dengan antusias. Mulai dari cowok yang ditaksir, cowok yang naksir, teman2, kejadian di sekolah, di tempat kuliah, tentang kerjaan, anak2, gosip artis, gosip keluarga besar, mama jadi teman ngobrol yang terbaik untuk kita berdua.

Mama juga adalah orang yang sangat hemat untuk dirinya sendiri. Mama nggak pernah menggunakan uangnya untuk membeli barang2 bermerek. Membeli barang mahal adalah tantangan utama untuk mama. Pernah dalam salah satu liburan kita ke HK, mama bertekad satu: membeli tas bermerek! Tapi lebih susah dilakukan karena setiap kali melihat harga tasnya, mama jadi berubah pikiran. Akhirnya sayapun ngambek, karena bulak balik dari toko ke toko kerjanya cuma melihat dan mencari tas, tapi nggak ada yang jadi dibeli. Karena saya ngambek, akhirnya mama menguatkan diri, dan membeli tas yang kalau dikurskan ke rupiah itu sekitar sejuta lebih. Tas itu menjadi tas bermerek mama yang pertama dan terakhir dibeli oleh mama. Karena setelah itu mama memutuskan mama lebih suka beli tas tembakan di mangga dua, yang harganya lebih sesuai dengan hati nuraninya mama. Selain itu, mama bersikeras, "Kalo kwalitas 1, gak ada orang yang bisa bedain kok!"
Tapi, pada saat yang sama, waktu saya bilang saya mau membeli eniklopedia seharga yang sama, tanpa ragu dan banyak tanya, mama memberikan uangnya kepada saya. Bagi mama, tidak ada uang yang harus dihemat kalau itu berhubungan dengan pendidikan anak2nya.

Mama juga adalah orang yang sangat praktis dan tidak terlalu romantis. Waktu saya akan menikah, saya sibuk memamerkan cincin kawin saya sama mama dan papa. Papa bertanya ke mama, "Ma, cincin kawin kita kemana, ya?" Dengan santai dan tanpa rasa bersalah mama menjawab, "loh, kan udah dilebur buat dijadiin kalung anak2!" Bagi mama, cincin kawin cuma pelengkap yang tidak terlalu penting dalam perkawinan.

Mama saya adalah tukang hipnotis yang suka mendoktrinasi dan mencuci otak kami, anak2nya. Kalau saya hidup berbahagia dengan Yohan dan anak2 saya sekarang ini, semua ini adalah kemampuan mama untuk mendoktrinasi, mencuci otak, dan juga melakukan setengah hipnotis bawah sadar pada saya.
Kalau ada yang ditakutkan mama dari anak2nya, bukanlah nilai jelek.Mama paling takut kalau anak2 perempuannya ini tidak menikah.

Mungkin cuma ria yang tahu, waktu saya kuliah dulu, setiap pagi, sebelum saya berangkat kuliah, mama akan datang ke kamar saya, dan mengkuliahi saya untuk mencari pacar! Mama takuuuuttt sekali kalau anaknya yang berwajah seperti papanya ini, nanti gak punya cowok dan hidup kesepian! Ti-ap ha-ri, sampe saya ngambek dan nggak mau buka kamar kalau mama mengetuk pintu kamar.
Mama juga selalu membuat saya realistik dalam mencari cowok, mama selalu bilang begini, "Oh, kamu jangan cari orang yang ganteng2, susah jaganya! Liat nih, mama yang cakep begini aja mau kok sama papa kamu yang tampangnya kayak gitu!" Ini akan ditambah dengan cerita2 tentang teman2nya yang akhirnya hidup menderita karena menikah dengan cowok ganteng.

Waktu saya cerita ke mama kalau kriteria saya dalam mencari pacar adalah orang yang punya sense of humour, mama menjawab, "Ha? Kamu pacaran aja sama Jojon kalo gitu!" Jadi, perlahan2 kriteria cowok yang lucu dan suka melucu, mulai hilang dalam pikiran saya, karena selalu kebayang kawin sama jojon itu!

Satu2nya kriteria saya dalam mencari cowok yang mama setujui adalah kalau cowok itu harus pintar. Paling nggak secara akademis.
Berkat hasil doktrinasi mama, semua mantan pacar saya mempunyai kriteria yang sama: tidak ganteng, sangat serius, tetapi pintar.

Tidak mungkin membicarakan mama tanpa membicarakan semangat mama untuk main saham. Kecintaan mama pada dunia saham, yang sayangnya tidak diikuti oleh ria dan saya, itu sudah tersohor di keluarga besar ini. Kemarin ada yang bilang, mama tuh cuma sekedar judi dalam main sahamnya. Saya sangat tersinggung! Saya mau bilang, mama saya yang cuma lulusan SMP itu jauh lebih hebat dalam urusan financial planning, mengalahkan saya yang udah ambil S2 di bidang keuangan. Mama, setiap pagi akan membaca berita, mengetahui berita international, kebijakan moneter di Indonesia dan Amerika juga eropa, index dow jones, nasdaq, ihsg, kemampuannya menganalisa laporan keuangan, mengalahkan kebanyakan para sarjana S1 yang lulus dengan karena sibuk nyontek. Mama terlahir dengan naluri bisnis yang luar biasa, dan juga semangat itu tidak pernah luntur walaupun mama lagi tinggi amonianya dan otaknya lagi error. Mama, kalau benar ada reinkarnasi, maka semoga mama benar2 terlahir lagi sebagai pialang saham ya!

Rasanya gak bakalan ada habisnya saya menceritakan keistimewaan mama. Dan orang yang begitu istimewa itu telah meninggalkan kita semua hari minggu lalu. Semuanya mungkin sudah mendengar kalau prosesnya meninggalnya mama itu hanya butuh waktu 21 jam dari mulai mama kehilangan kesadarannya. Bagi saya, proses kematian mama, butuh waktu 3 tahun, sejak mama sakit.
Pada awal tahun 2007, mama divonis menderita gagal ginjal! Pada saat itulah kehidupan mama yang lama telah berakhir. Mama saya yang aktif dan nggak bisa diam, mulai dikendalikan oleh penyakitnya. Pertama2 karena diet rendah proteinnya, menjadikan mama selalu merasa lemas. Pada saat fungsi ginjalnya terus berkurang, tubuhnya mulai menunjukkan gejala. Selalu ringkih dan sakit2an, badannya selalu merasa gatal luar biasa.

Kata orang, kalau ada orang sakit dalam satu keluarga, maka seluruh keluarga yang lainpun ikut sakit bersama orang itu. Hal itu yang terjadi dalam keluarga kami. Kami juga ikutan merasa sakit bersama mama. Semua cara kami lakukan untuk menyembuhkan mama. Segala macam pengobatan kami coba, dari pengobatan chinese, india, spiritual, doa, reiki. Di depan rumah, papa menanam pohon sambung nyawa, yang daunnya direbus untuk mama minum tiap pagi.

Sementara itu, kamipun mencari tahu tentang proses pencucian darah, kita yang awam ini, mulai mengenal berbagai istilah medis yang sebelumnya kita nggak pernah dengar. Saya, riset di internet, dan mencari kontak dari orang2 yang udah cuci darah, Ria, di jkt, akan menelpon, mewawancara, bahkan menemui orang2 ini secara langsung, untuk melihat bagaimana kondisi mereka setelah cuci darah. Kami juga cari tahu tentang option lainnya, transplantasi ginjal.
Akhirnya diputuskan kalau mama mau menjalani transplantasi ginjal di GZ pada bulan Maret 2009. Setelah operasi, kondisi mama membaik selama beberapa bulan. Walaupun ada masalah kecil dengan obat2annya. Saya ingat sekali, waktu mama lagi ke SGP, mama bermain bola dengan anak2 sambil ketawa2. Rasanya, saat itu mama yang saya lihat adalah mama yang saya kenal seperti sblm sakit.
Bulan mei 2009, mama divonis menderita pengerasan hati juga. Dan keluarga kami diuji dengan kondisi lain dari mama. Pada saat tubuh mama menghasilkan amonia, maka mama mulai mengalami perubahan kepribadian, mulai suka marah2, lupa, ngomongnya jadi cadel, dan puncaknya maka mama akan mengalami koma sesaat, dimana mama terus tidur sampai fungsi amonia dalam tubuhnya menurun.

Herannya, hampir semua episode amonia ini terjadi pada saat saya berada dekat mama, apa waktu mama ke sing, atau waktu saya lagi ke jkt. Ria menggoda saya, emang chiong sama mama. Saya yang jadi ahli dalam memaksa mama makan obat. Resiko digigit dan dipukulin mama udah biasa. Mama jadi merasa bersalah luar biasa sama saya dan papa setiap kali mama udah pulih, dan jadi tambah baik sama kita semua.

Lama kelamaan, episode2 ini bertambah sering dan juga semakin dekat jaraknya. Dokter di Indo n China menekankan kalau fungsi ginjalnya masih sangat bagus, tapi livernya yang tidak bagus. Secara fisik, mama juga menderita luar biasa. Tubuhnya tambah kurus, tapi perutnya bertambah gemuk karena air yang tidak bisa dikeluarkan. Mama sudah tidak punya nafsu makan lagi, walaupun selalu bilang ingin makan ini dan itu, tapi kalau makanannya ada di depan mama, paling cuma dimakan sesuap. Perutnya biru2 karena suntikan insulin, krn sejak memakan obat untuk menekan imun tubuhnya mama jd diabetes, Tapi yang paling bikin kami semua sedih, bukanlah perubahan fisiknya, tapi kepribadiannya.

Karena pelan2 kami mulai tidak mengenali mama kami lagi. Mama tidak peduli pada penampilan, keras kepala, selalu tersinggung, ngomongnya selalu muter2. Walaupun ini tidak pernah merubah hatinya, karena habis marah2 mama biasanya cepat baikan lagi dengan siapapun yang abis diajakin berantem. Hubungan kamipun mulai berubah, karena biasanya saya yang bisa menelpon mama 2-3 kali sehari untuk laporan pandangan mata semua kejadian dalam hidup saya, mulai semakin jarang menelpon mama. Saya juga makin jarang ditelp mama. Bukannya kenapa, tapi rasanya beraaaatttt sekali untuk ngomong sama mama, karena setiap kali ngomong sama mama, itu serasa bukan mama. Sedikit ngomong, mama tersinggung, saya juga jadi panas. Pada saat saya berbicara dengan mama, saya malah merindukan "mama" saya yang dulu.

Puncaknya adalah bulan September lalu, dimana dalam waktu 3 minggu, mama masuk RS selama 5 kali karena episode amonianya. Tgl 29 Sept, 2 hari setelah mama ultah yang 58, mama keluar dari rumah sakit dengan amonia yang sangat rendah. Saya sangat senang sekali, karena mama bisa ngomong seperti dulu lagi.

Oct lalu, karena ada urusan, saya pulang ke jkt selama 2 hari. Kata papa, mama sibuk sekali merencanakan kemana mama mau mengajak saya makan. Kita pergi ke makan ke Jun Nyan di MOI, setelah itu kita ngopi di Coffee Bean bersama adik, adik ipar dan para cucu di Jkt. Pagi, sebelum saya ke airport, seperti biasa, saya memeluk dan mencium mama. Saya tidak pernah tahu kalau itu adalah pelukan dan ciuman saya yang terakhir pada saat mama masih bisa mengenali saya. Kalau saya tahu, saya akan memeluk mama, mencium mama, lamaaaaaaaa sekali.

Minggu lalu, mama mulai mengalami episode amonianya lagi, Kita semua mengira ini akan sama seperti kejadian bulan Sep lalu. Bedanya, amonianya tidak naik turun, tapi naik dan tidak turun2. Sabtu lalu papa membawa mama ke SGP lagi, saya bertemu mama di glenagles hosp. Detail ceritanya mungkin semuanya sudah dengar, mama masih mengenali dokternya, melihat saya selintas, seblm akhirnya kehilangan kesadarannya.

Pada pukul 21.35 menurut waktu jam tangan saya, mama pergi didampingi saya yang menggandeng tangan mama, dan papa di sebelah mama, juga ada suami saya, dan Sri, yang menjaga mama selama mama sakit. Saya mencium kening mama, pipi mama, saya bilang berkali2 ke mama, walaupun saya tau mama nggak ngerti bahasa inggris, "Mama, never enough kisses, never enough hugs!" Tidak pernah cukup ada ciuman, tidak pernah cukup ada pelukan! Pelukan dan ciuman untuk saya ke mama, dan pelukan dan ciuman dari mama ke saya. Entah kapan lagi saya bisa memeluk dan mencium mama lagi.

Pada saat2 terakhirnya, saya menanyakan ke papa, apa yang paling memberatkan mama dalam perjalanannya, papa bilang, "Nathan, cucu kesayangannya!" Tapi saya tahu, bukan itu yang paling memberatkan mama, krn Nathan adalah tanggung jawab saya, bukan mama! Yg paling memberatkan mama adalah papa! Mama selalu bilang, siapa yang akan menjaga papa kalau mama nggak ada? Ma, saya dan ria akan coba untuk jaga papa, mungkin nggak sebaik mama dan juga nggak setelaten mama. Tapi, kita akan coba sebaiknya ma. Saya juga mohon untuk semua saudara2 disini, untuk ikut menghibur mama, agar perjalanannya mama tidak berat.

Tidak ada penyesalan dari saya untuk melepas mama pergi, karena saya jauh sebelum mama pergi, semua yang saya mau curahkan ke mama udah saya lakukan. Saya sayang mama, mama tau itu, dan juga saya tau mama sayang pada kami semua. Kalaupun ada penyesalan, mungkin karena ke-4 cucunya pantas untuk lebih menikmati kasih sayang aiponya lebih lama dan lebih lama lagi. Kepedihan saya adalah karena ke-4 cucunya, terutama untuk Chloe n Clio, tidak bisa mengenal neneknya, sang naga, pilar di keluarga kami lebih dalam lagi.

Sekarangg ria, papa dan saya akan mencoba menopang keluarga kami yang kehilangan pilar utamanya. Berat, tapi kami tahu, dimanapun mama berada, sekarang mama akan bisa makan blackforest yang pake banyak rum, tanpa akan jadi gemuk atau takut kretinin n amonianya akan naik. Tanpa harus disuntik insulin lebih dahulu. Mama berbahagia, karena nggak usah makan obat lagi, badannya nggak gatal2 lagi. Dan mama akan berada di tempat di mana mukanya selalu awet muda, tanpa keriput dan flek hitam yang selama ini mama takuti. Mama akan bisa nonton terus, kali ini mengikuti perkembangan kami sekeluarga...live! Mama juga bisa bebas main saham, dan pasti untung terus disana!

Mama, sampai kita ketemu lagi ya ma...peluk cium dari cindy, ria dan papa..
Lagian kita semua kan cuma beda waktu, ya?

Eulogy yang saya bacakan dalam malam kembang mama..

• Don't worry about death, which is only one small step in the great and endless cycle of life - Bhagavad Githa

• 
  

Homemade Butter

Isn't this the loveliest butter that you've ever seen?

It's creamy, it's sweet, it has nice buttery fragrance. Nothing can beat your own homemade butter.

So, how do you make your own butter? Simply by overwhipping your cream, and continue to whip, since there's nothing that you can do to save the overwhipped your butter. You will see the cream will then separate into curd and whey. The watery part will turn into buttermilk. The curdy part will turn into your own sweet homemade butter. Discard the watery part and your butter is ready to be enjoyed with bread, pancakes, cakes or whatever you can think of. And, you can use your buttermilk to make your pancake, that you can enjoy with a whip of butter--homemade at that.

By then, you should have realized that this post was written as an attempt to salvage my overwhipped cream. I was in the middle of whipping the cream for my frosting for my almost-blackforest cake, when I realized that overwhipping is just a matter of seconds! Seriously.

Only a problem, nobody in the house eats butter. Anyone can help here?

In the meeting

How do you keep yourself not to fall asleep during a meeting?

By taking pictures of those who are sleeping in the meeting...

With meeting like this, who need valium?

Bowling and The Small Miracle

And so it happened again...

We had another bowling game recently. I was not excited about the game as always. Why should I be?
For this game, the team has been determined beforehand. And my team leader happened to be the same guy who I recruited for my first game, and really he had this stoic look on his face when he found out that I was now in his team. Well, talk about affinity...not.

So the game started. My team learned the hard way the meaning of motoric moron. My bowling amazed them. Never had they seen a person so capable of sending all the balls to the gutter and my control of ball was so amazing. My ball would move ever so slowly, that all my audience would hold their breath in suspense of anticipation of how many pins that the ball would hit, if the ball would hit at all. My playing was so bad that every time my ball hit on the pins, even when it was only a pin, they would cheer me as if I had hit a strike.

I was so frustrated, especially since the rest of the girls would come and check on my score. Their motto "As long as we beat her, we are doing all right" only made me feel worse. I sat down, and made a small prayer one after another, "Lord, in the next turn, let my ball not go to the gutter!" "Dear God, don't let me be the last one in this game, please!" "God, please let me do a strike, just once, just once, that's all I am asking for!"

I took the ball, believing that God has answered my prayer, and bowled it over to hit the pin. The ball moved so slowly..like a slow motion, and went straight to the gutter.
My prayers were not answered!

With each passing game, I felt worse and worse! Here I was, successfully sending all the balls to the gutter..almost. But, even when the fortunate occasion that my balls hit the ball, they just hit at most three or four pins! Not enough for me not to be in the bottom of the score list. Was it a wonder if I felt bad? I hate sports for a reason, all kind of sports. These activities were made to torture people like me. They were evil. EVIL!!!!
At the end of game 1, I ended up with 37 points, I was...again, the reigning queen of lowest scorer in bowling history ever.

Then something happened...


Game two started. I went on with a heavy heart. And in my frustration, I asked one of my team to play for my turn which he refused to do. He said, "It's okay, winning isn't everything. We're just here to have fun!" Were we, really? He then gave me an advice, "Look at the markings in the lane and just aim on the markings!"
His words opened my eye. I always looked at the pins as my goals, but I did not care about the markings. I did not know that they were there. But, the markings were just drawn up at the middle of the lane, they were easier to be aimed at!

I took my ball, did my pose (honestly, I did not know why I should pose, other people did it, and they looked cool, so I did it too), and bawled, but this time, not aimed to the pins. This time, I aimed at the markings! The balls moved ever so slowly like usual, so not powerful, what's new? Only this time, it went in the middle, and instead of moving to the gutter, it stayed on in the middle and hit on the pins, some of the pins! My team cheered, my audience high-fived me, I smiled. It was a good beginning.
"Lord, in the next turn, let my ball not go to the gutter!" Checked!


Come the next turn, I used the same strategy, I did not care about the pins. They were too far to be aimed at. I just looked at the middle markings, and sent my ball against the marking. Again, my ball slowly stayed on the lane and hit the pins, leaving one pin behind at the outer left side, oh wait..there was another pin lying horizontally next to the pin, still in the visible display of the pins! But, I was happy enough. As long as I could collect the points. I did my second effort, aimed at the left marking this time, did not expect to hit on the one remaining as it was too much on the left. My ball stayed on the left lane, not moving to the gutter. And in a slow motion, hit on-- not to the standing pin-- the other pin that laid horizontally, and this pin hit on the standing pin, the one that I should target. For the first time in my life cleared all the pins! I turned back, with a smile on my face. I cleared all the pins!

But wait, that's not all! All the people (who were my audience) had this puzzled look on their face as they were looking at the screen. One of them said, "But, it's a strike!" I looked back up to the screen. There, next to my name was an X, a strike. A strike for me! Not a real strike, but a strike nonetheless. The system failed to detect my first ball, but detected my second ball, after it hit the 2 pins left, and granted me a strike!
I sat down, too amused with what happened! God sure had a good sense of humor! I asked for a strike, not this kind of strike, but hey, the system recorded my effort as a strike!
"God, please let me do a strike, just once, just once, that's all I am asking for!" Checked!
A miracle has happened.

If you think that I stayed out of a gutter, that would be too much to ask for, wouldn't it? But, I had my strike and for that I was so grateful.
In every of my turn, I just aimed at the middle markings. In one turn, my ball, was still very slow, but stayed on in the middle because of the speed, slowly hit the pins..oh hold on, hit all the pins. Strike! I did my strike! A real strike! My prayer was answered!
"God, please let me do a strike, just once, just once, that's all I am asking for!" Double checked!

In the end, I did 3 strikes altogether in the second game! I collected 100 points, and I was so happy! Very very happy. But not everyone was happy. One of the managers came upto me, checking on my points, and he was so disappointed upon learning that I scored 100 points and did 3 strikes in a game. I guess he placed a bet that I would be the lowest scorer for female category and he lost the bet. Next time he should check with Paul the Octopus!

So I earned the total of 137 points, which would not get me from the bottom list, since I only got 37 points from my first game. I might still be the lowest scorer in the game. But I did not care anymore. I had my moments of glory, and my prayers were answered. So what if I remained in the bottom of the points?

But..hold on...

After the points were tabulated, we went through the award giving ceremony as usual. The first category...lowest scorer in the game, female category. I took the deep breath..ready to get my award. The manager read on, "The award went to.....Sarah!" I was like...hey..someone had lower score than me, I was not the last one in the whole game! I won by 3 points, very very close shave. Sarah collected 40 points and 94  points in game 1 and 2 respectively.
But Sarah should not feel dejected, because the winner from the male category, won over her, with the total of 17 points for both games! He even beat my record!
"Dear God, don't let me be the last one in this game, please!" Checked!

And wait...


I won another category, The Most Improved Player - female category, and I got a very very small miniature tractor model as a prize. The prize, the award, the name calling did not matter anymore. I learned the most important lesson of all from that game. Things that I knew but did not believe. Lesson about God and Miracle, from just a playful bowling game. That God's time might not be our time. That God has good sense of humor. That in bowling, just like everything in life,  aim for short term, don't worry about the long term, as long as you know what you want to get, and the path is right, the invisible hand will do the rest.  And most importantly, God listens..He really does!

I gladly passed that prize to Big N, saying that's for his last math test, where he scored full marks. He smiled and happily played with the model.

Yes, it has been a long write up. But, isn't this experience really worth blogging for?

End note:
*I am still wondering why God answered my prayer only in game 2?Maybe He just did not want me to settle for mediocrity in that bowling game, but what's wrong with being mediocre? I am proud to be one when it comes to sports. Or...He just wanted me to pass the prize to Big N for scoring full marks in his math test. Yes, that must be it!
** I still have not changed my mind about sports in general and bowling in particular. Hated them to the bone! 


“Winning isn't everything, but it beats anything that comes in second.” - Paul Bryant-

Bowling and The Small Miracle - The Beginning

If I have to stand up to give out testimony about miracle, this is what I want to talk about, small miracle in my simple life. Things that will bring out a smile and  lovely memories that I will remember for years to come. Small as they are, miracle is still a miracle and I am glad to be able to recount this story.

Long long time ago...

I was born to be a motoric moron. I had no talent whatsoever in sports and exercise. And this defect of mine has scarred me for life, as I became the object of bullying by my Physical Education teacher  in my school days.

You name every kind of sports that exist, and I sure could not do it. Basketball, volleyball, kasti, even 'bola bekel' just to name a few. In my junior high school, I was made to do the (basketball) lay-up shot many times, I just could not do it right. The memory still lingers until now, it's left (foot), right, left while shooting. But, I just could not do control my feet when I was running. Come on, you were running and you had to remember which one was your left foot and which one was your right foot, and control it just to shoot a ball? How stupid was that? And the stupid PE Teacher (sorry, but really, no appreciation for this kind of brainless teacher), made me and some other moronic girls do it over and over again, as if our life would depend on our ability to do lay-up shot.

I mean, sports and exercise, are done to make a person happier and healthier, right? It is supposed to create the sportsman out of a person, so that a person can learn to lose graciously. But what if that person just loses every time? Every single time? I mean, out of 10 lay up shot that I did was deemed wrong, even though the balls went straight to the basket. Wasn't that the point, to score the point by shooting the balls to the basket? I don't think the TV viewers will bother whether those NBA players moved their feet correctly while shooting the balls? But, no, my brainless teacher still gave me 0/10, because I did not do my left, right, left foot correctly!

And it happened over and over again, in every PE lesson. I was made such a total loser! And I just hated that feeling. So, I grew up  hating every kind of exercise and every kind of sports. (Yes, I am also lazy, but that is beside the point). I hate every sports on TV (sports are to be done, not watched),  I never supports anyone to become athlete (athletes have no brain, no brain).  I dared not join any basketball games, or volleyball games, as I refused to be the person who brought out the downfall of the team. I hate the feeling of being the loser.

And life passed on....

I got a job, I got married, I had my children, life has been good to me.
But, something happened. The department that I was in, decided to do bowling for the team building activity. And, by now, you should understand, with my predicament with all the things motoric, I was not particularly excited about the bowling thing.

With the ratio of 1:6 for woman: man in my company, all the ladies were tasked to form a team and find their own teammates. I went around my department, recruiting the guys! The conversation would be something like this:
Me: Hi, do you want to join my team? But I have to tell you, I am a very bad bowler, really really bad!
Guy 1: Oh, that's all right, I am also not a good bowler. We will do all right (he's in)
or
Guy 2: Well, I did bowling like more than 10 years ago, if you want to accept an old man who has not bowled for the last 10 years, I'll join your team (he's in)
or
Guy 3: Yes..I do play, but not too well I should say (he's in).

So, with a team of not so good players with different nationalities (two Australians, one Korean and one Chinese Canadian, and a lovely Indonesian lady as a team leader), I thought I would do all right. We would have fun losing out the game together! Never would I thought that these guys were bunch of liars. And these guys would never thought that I was being honest to them when I told them that I was such a bad bowler.

The guys that I recruited turned out to be such excellent bowlers. The old man who did not bowled for the last 10 years, was the bowling champion 10 years ago. The others were good bowlers too. My other members were not too pleased with my performance. But they could not voice it out in the name of team-work. Whenever I bowled, the ball would either go to the gutter or if it did not, then it will be moving very very slow, just like the slow motion that you see in drama, and would hit at most 2 pins. Most of the time, though, it would just go to the gutter.

The result of this game was as expected. We did not win the game, but the old man got the highest score for individual. In fact, our team still managed to get the second or third highest score and would do better if not for the low score contributed by me.
As for me, I resigned to the fact that I got "the bowler of the year" award. No guessing on what the award meant. My team members should be happy because 2 of its team members won a prize.

However, things were not that bad for me, as the award came with a prize: $50 shopping voucher. That was not quite good, considering the winner got $100 voucher. At least  I beat those that are average, and my tight competitor (second lowest scorer) looked at me, green with envy!

Morale of the story:
Either you are the first or you are the last, but never ever be an average, because mediocrity is not rewarded


(to be continued)

Picture can be found in google, and is not used for any financial gain whatsoever.

A thought about the big D

"Again?" that's what my maid said when I told her that I might come home late that day, as I needed to to for a funeral wake for a colleague's father-in-law. That's the second one in two weeks time. Yes, again! DEATH is part of life that is inevitable.

It's always so depressing to go for a funeral wake. We may not know the person, but we do feel for the family and relative left behind. And, like a routine, there will be talk on how it happens, and for the people who die because of certain illness, there will be talk about how the illness change the family life. Of course, there's always exceptional case, like my friend's grandmother who passed away peacefully in the age of 100, died in her sleep. But the last funeral that I attended, a 73-year-old who passed away because of lung cancer, was one of sad story. The cancer spread to the brain, the family did what they could, they sent him for radiotherapy, and that's after 1 year history of chemo. Part of his head was all black and burnt, but the saddest part of all, he suffered from memory loss. Not being able to remember the family, his reasons to staying alive. All of us kept quiet while we listened to my colleague telling us about the deceased last days, eerily quiet.

It got me thinking. How difficult it is to die with dignity. When we are sick, we automatically turn into a different person. We show the meanest, darkest side of us to the people around us, ironically, the people we love most. It is a trying time to the person and the family. We pity the patient. On the other hand, look at the family. Look at the spouse, the parents, the children, the siblings. The sickness changes their life terribly. Gone are the days when they can laugh freely without feeling guilty. What is left is just the feeling of helplessness as they watch their loved ones fade away. And sometimes, the big D seems like the great escape. How sad! How very sad.

Then again, I heard another sad story, of a colleague (that I never know of), passed away after he did his jogging. He was only 38 and is a father of 4. It happened so suddenly, so unexpected. He still had his half packet of peanuts on his office table. Who would have thought?

As someone commented to me later, "Life is just too short, too precious! So, don't go on diet, and enjoy the last piece of the cheesecake!"

Ok, maybe just enjoy half of it so that you can live longer

Annual Masterpiece

I realize that I first came up with this blog to document down all the baking trials ups and downs. Along the way, though, too many things that I have came up with went down unrecorded.

But really, the first quarter of 2010 did not come easy for me. Busy was an understatement. I was totally flat out. I just did not find time to do a lot of things. And it did not help that both my husband and I were traveling quite extensively too.

Therefore, it's so difficult to resist the temptation just to get a quick fix by buying a cake for my little girl for her birthday this month. I had to really persevere to come up with something for her. Although, I have to admit, during the process of coming up with the cake, I was wondering, why could not I just ordered something from a bakery.

But, it's the feeling that I could only do this for another few years, to celebrate her childhood years when she still appreciate "a cake made by my mommy!". So, if baking a cake will preserve our memories of each other, then I'll make an effort to do it.

So, that's it! A cake for our little princess' 5th birthday!

Just like anything else in my life, this cake was full of challenge. Despite marrying a civil engineer, I knew that building a castle cake was not as easy as it might look on youtube video. Especially if stacking was involved. A solid foundation must be built for the base cake to be able to support the second tier cake. My dear civil engineer husband rendered no help with building the cake. I cringed when I had to push the dowel (ehmm..it's a disposable chopstick, budget constraint) into the cake. I risked having carpal tunnel syndrome when I came up with hundreds of flowers and leaves for the decoration. I prayed so hard when I had to cover my 23 x 33 cm base cake with fondant. And, did I mention that it's my first time dealing with large scale fondant?

But, the final result was oh-so-worth-it! It may not be the best cake in the world, but I am so contented with myself when my daughter kissed me on the cheek, saying that she loved the cake. Or when my sweet-talker boy said, "It's not pretty, Ma! It's very very pretty!"

I may have seen the best of cakes! But to think that this is made by a non-pro, with budget constraint, limited fondant exposure, I think I was doing rather all right.

Another problem arose when we found out that storing was an issue! The humid weather killed the fondant. So, we actually turned on the air-con in the dining room, where we kept the cake, just to ensure that the fondant did not get wet and pliant due to the humidity.

So, there was the story of my annual masterpiece for my little girl. I was tempted to take all the pictures in the decorating process. But when I saw my fingers, all covered with fondant, I said to myself, "forget it!"